So many times, people fall into a financial enabling syndrome in the name of “black tax” without realizing it. Financial enabling is short-term help that hurts in the long run. It often involves the Enabler of substantial means who uses his or her money to try to keep their loved ones or friends needy and dependent forever. While we all want to help our loved ones and friends, especially during a particularly difficult time in their lives, there’s a point where our help is actually more destructive than beneficial in the long-run.
Just to clarify, we’re not talking about supporting someone who is a minor, recently graduated from college, or was laid-off from their job. We’re specifically addressing those scenarios in which an adult relative, friend or romantic partner is capable of working or financing their own lifestyle, but chooses not to or is too lazy to hustle to earn their own money.
What is financial enabling?
Financial enablers are typically financially-stable individuals who tend to feel guilty about their wealth, especially when they see their loved ones or friends struggling financially. However, some financial enablers live on the brink of bankruptcy but feel guilty if they don’t help others with that little they may have.
Warning Signs for a Financial Enabler
- You give money so often, your loved one or friend no longer tries to support themselves.
- You give money away even though you can’t afford it.
- You’re struggling financially, but your financial dependent is going on a shopping spree using your money.
- You’re resentful of the requests for money and how the money may be used, yet you still can’t say “no” when asked for more money.
How to Overcome Being a Financial Enabler
Acknowledge Your Enabling Poor Money Choices
To stop enabling bad financial behaviors, the first step is to admit to ourselves that we’re financially enabling our loved one or friend. We also have to acknowledge our actions are part of the problem. We don’t want to believe a loved one would manipulate us, but if you sense in your gut something is wrong then listen to that instinct.
- There is no Harm in Saying ‘No’
Second, give yourself permission to say no to requests for money favors. Take note of money favors: Who is asking you? What is the situation? What time of day/year? Is there a pattern? You don’t always have to run to the rescue with your wallet. Support, advice, or pointing friends and family in the direction of Financial Literacy resources, can be more helpful instead of furthering a potentially life-crippling habit.
- Give Only What You Can Afford to Lose
Third, if you do decide to give a loved one or friend some money, only give them what you can afford to lose. Before you give them any money, make sure your bills are paid, your needs are met, and that you’re adding to your savings BEFORE you lend a large or small sum of money.
- Teach Your Loved One’s Financial Responsibility
Fourth, if you assist your loved ones with their financial needs, slowly ease them into adulthood by having them take more responsibility for their finances. Give them the fishing rod and let them fish on their own.
The old proverb is true: If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day, if you teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for the rest of his life. The same thing happens with our finances. We can’t rely on others to fund our lifestyle; we must learn to hustle and work hard to reach our goals.
#stopbeingafinancialenabler
#financialentitlementmustend
#financialdependencymustfall
By Tarie Manyonga
